Humor Has It

Gabriel's humor is-was-wildly inappropriate. Quick-witted and aiming to get a reaction, he never shied away from any joke. No matter the subject, cancer included. It would infuriate me at times. He would make these jokes in public, at home, the hospital. Gabriel gave zero cares who, what, where or when. With a grin and a gleam, he spouted off whatever came to mind.

Here he was this 12 year old boy appearing to have not a care in the world, no terminal illness lingering over him, making jokes about cancer knowing anyone could hear. I can't tell you how many times I said "Gabriel, stop that before you offend someone. No one looking at you is going to believe you are sick. Knock it off!" The orneriness in his eyes said it all. An "I love yooooouuu" always included.

He stressed me out, y'all. But what I wouldn't give for even 60 more seconds of that stress.

One day I got so upset with him over a really poor joke he made after a doctor's appointment and I yelled at him. Scolded him severely and felt so bad the entirety of it. Well, he wasn't having any of that. He yelled right back at me "It's how I deal with it, okay?! I don't know any other way!"

In that moment I knew I had a decision to make. I could either put my foot down because it "triggered" me, heaven forbid, or I could put my own feelings aside because guess what... I wasn't the one with cancer. If Gabriel wanted to deal with his cancer by making jokes, who the hell am I to tell him no? Who was anyone to tell him no? He could handle it with anger or depression or alcohol or drugs. He didn't though. He chose to make some really morbid jokes that were honestly so funny because of how wrong they were. He loved making people laugh and getting reactions. I did remind him at times to be considerate of his surroundings but for the most part it was fair game.

From the very first diagnosis when he was 10 years, 3 months old (my baby was 243 months old y'all) I had these moments of clarity, I suppose. I just knew in certain moments that there were no other options but that one and be damned anyone that protested. Including me.

I should probably tell you now, I do not post trigger warnings. The subject alone should be a flashing neon sign of a trigger warning. This leads me to my first cancer joke to Gabriel. As I said, it was fair game once he spoke up.

I worked as a middle school secretary for about 8 years. Due to treatments I decided to have Gabriel transferred to my school to be close in case I was needed. He thrived, quickly making friends and charming teachers. He came through the office one day smarting off as he did while I was working and without skipping a beat I said "Boy, keep it up and it won't be the cancer that gets you first." There were witnesses and he grinned this shit eating grin because he got exactly what he wanted.

I miss the jokes and his laugh. Oh, My, Gosh. His laugh.

Just remember, laughter is medicine. A remedy that should be passed on through all walks of life. Including grief.